I love being a woman, but that was not always the case. I used to identify myself as pansexual and non-binary. I thought this because after leaving the church at 17, I remembered asking myself questions about my life as a child. At 5 years old, I was asking God why I was here on earth, why I was made a girl when I am so good at getting muddy outside, and why I was placed in Idaho. Those questions slowly are getting answered in my life, but the question about my gender seemed to seep its way into my life as a young adult. The culture was so open to new ideas and loved putting a label of identity on everything and everyone.
I was comfortable in my masculinity because I had to be an adult from such a young age and had little to no masculine role models growing up. So, I became my father to myself. It seems that the younger me forgot how deeply I loved being a girl, the idea of motherhood and caring for a man. Despite the labels I put on myself, I still ended up in feminine scenarios. I would date a man for a while and become his caregiver or his new mother. This happened more than once. Why was it so easy for me to pretend to be manly? Why is it now more normal than ever to identify as masculine or non-binary?
The answer is that we don’t have Jesus. God, through his design of humans and the world, and in his love, made a perfect outline for us to follow. He gave us laws to structure society and rules on how to act ethically. He told us how to love one another through the Old Testament and the New. Jesus came to earth as God and man to show us what ultimate love and sacrifice are. But we so easily neglect such a thing.
Hebrews 2:3 says
“How shall we escape if we ignore so great a salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him.”
So we know, based on our knowledge of God and love for him, that we cannot neglect our salvation, but what about his commands?
Psalms 119:128 says, “And because I consider all your precepts right, I hate every wrong path.”
John 14:15 says, “If you love me, keep my commands.”
The love of God makes us do crazy things. Jesus told us it would divide families and friends. If we love God, the equation assumes that we follow his commands. The Bible lays out how we are supposed to love God and each other. My journey from being non-binary to straight and female is a funny one. Truly, God was chasing me in pursuit while I kept asking him, “Why me?” After I finally gave in and understood God loved me despite my sins, I realized I loved him, too.
Because I started to fall in love with Jesus, God of the universe, I started reading his word and trying to follow all the rules and precepts mentioned. I was hungry for his word and got up early every day to read outside. God had put a new spirit in me and loved me like a father and a friend. My whole life changed once I surrendered my life to Christ. I realized I always wanted a husband and kids. I wanted to live a traditional lifestyle like I had imagined growing up. I loved men and after a harsh breakup, I saw how valuable all men are and how poorly they are treated in this world.
I won’t get into a debate about who is treated worse, because I don’t think that is the whole issue. Let’s go back to the Garden of Eden. Eve ate the fruit after talking with the serpent and getting convinced it was worth the risk to not trust God, and do what he commanded not to do. She ate the fruit first, and my favorite theory about this is that because Adam was there the whole time, and he had a covenant with God he sinned first. Not that who sinned first truly matters, but hear me out. He stood back while the serpent spoke to her, and he never defended Eve or used his masculine role correctly. He had dominion given by God over the creatures of the earth, he named all the animals. So instead of being proactive and defending his wife, he laid back while she got deceived. He knew what God had told them just as well. But, when God made Adam he said it is not good for man to be alone, so he made woman. Both were made in the image of God, one from dust and one from bone. He made women in such a mysterious way but also made them with lots of intelligence and grace. Eve should not have eaten the fruit, but Adam should’ve protected her. Both decisions are in our nature as humans and since then the divide between matter and opinion has only risen.
Currently, in our culture it is normal for women to hate men, even choosing a bear instead in a hypothetical scenario. Women do not feel safe with men, and men are then taught to be afraid to be around a woman out of fear of rejection or accusation. Men are also taught to hate women for being cheaters or greedy. The union God designed between us was perfect when he made it, and the devil knows the power of a relationship with man, woman, and God. Some Christians can see the way satan tries to separate us, because Bibically when a man and woman join, they become one flesh. The benefits of being one flesh with God at the center are many.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Women and men need each other. We are great in pairs, and better in trios with God. Women need a strong hand to pick up what they can’t, men need a soft touch only women can provide. It’s much easier for a gentle woman to thread a needle than a rough man to. It’s much easier for a man to take out trash that weighs 100 pounds than a woman who barely weighs more than that. These are simplified examples and in no way mean to betray the strength of either man or woman. It just goes to show we need each other and complement one another.
My journey with God has brought me to a better understanding of men. I started seeing a pattern of the fear of rejection, the lack of purpose, the demeaning ways they are talked to, and the ways they are simply ignored. God was changing my heart to be more feminine. The Proverbs 31 woman is not weak because she is feminine. She is strong-willed, strong-hearted, and strong-armed. Being a woman does not equate to weakness, but gentleness and grace. Biblical womanhood is something to be valued, cherished, and cultivated. Our feminine nature calms the man, as well as encourages him to be himself. A masculine man allows a woman to feel comfortable being feminine and safe. That is why we need each other. We can choose to bring out the worst of each other or the best. Our design was made to be paired together with God, and I pray our culture becomes more holy and allows biblical roles to flourish.
Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
I love this verse because not only is God commanding us to love, but He is also showing us how to love each other and how we desire to be loved. Women need to be cherished and loved, it helps them thrive. Men need to be respected, that is how they flourish. The Bible when read and understood, can help every problem subside and become answered. If you wondered how men and women are supposed to work together in the modern world, he lays it out. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us how to love and what love is like. God is love. If we remain in God we remain in love. If we work with God we work with and through love. This issue can be more simple if we let it, and if we surrender to the design God has for us. So I challenge you as a man or woman, to release control over your idea of identity, and give it to God. Let him teach you how to be more of what you were created to be, and trust me you will experience more joy than before. Doing this will also help men and women trust each other. We are all sinners and need God’s help, so there is no need to compare, we only need to trust God in his wonderful will. I pray you go in peace and discover a more gentle and well-rounded version of yourself in the role God made you for.
Homesteading Honey 