Seasonal Depression

I have dealt with seasonal depression, also called SAD, since I was 13. It seems each year as the end of Autumn approaches I become more sad, tired, and exhausted by life. I learned the term seasonal depression in health class in 9th grade, my best friend also had been dealing with the same thing. I noticed a big difference the second the snow melted and the sun came out.

I should be better in Idaho since I lived in Oregon for years. Oregon, especially the PNW, is known for rainy weather year-round. When I lived there, I hated the rain. I complained about it frequently and told all my Oregon friends about how Idaho only has rain in the spring and winter like a normal state would. Oregon made up for the rainy weather with beautiful nature and forests all around the best cities they have. Occasionally you’ll find a town in Oregon that is just concrete, and those places I can’t stay long. I was made for the mountains and trees. My seasonal depression there was bad, but not horrible since it stayed just about the same most of the year. I also had a tight community, food stamps, sunshine, and a busy enough schedule to distract me from the rain. Turns out, that now that I am away from the wet weather, I love and miss it. When it rains I take it in deep and pretend I’m back where I used to be. 

In a way, maybe it’s a good thing I get depressed because of the dark. Maybe that says something about me, maybe my assumption is over-spiritualized, but I don’t do well with darkness. I need the sunlight to feel alive. I am trying not to say it anymore, but my finding is that every year my seasonal depression gets worse. Because life and death are in the power of the tongue…

Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

…I am trying to do my best to not curse myself with more seasonal depression. I know the power of the blood of Jesus will overcome this struggle.

In a way, this is the thorn in my flesh like Paul describes in his letters. I am happy just about all year until the sky grows gloomy and the ground is frozen in white snow. I take Vitamin D to try and relieve the symptoms, but it does no good compared to time spent in the sun. It gives me time to rest in Jesus and read, sleep, work, and prepare. It is a time of hibernation and sleep. I may be a Christian, but I am nowhere near perfect. I don’t have a great way to cope with this, I just trust Jesus will take it away from me in his perfect timing. Reading my Bible brings me hope, and community meet-ups help, having several things to attend to throughout the week. Without community, my days would drag on in darkness so much more than they do. Thank God I live with family so I have people to talk to on the bad days.

When I do pray and am brave enough to tell Jesus my problems, I do have this renewing of hope and energy. He grants me this new life I get to have in him when I trust him with it. I don’t do this enough, so if you struggle and are reading this, let it be a reminder that carrying that burden yourself will only drain your energy when our God tells us to give us our burdens. He will give us rest if we accept it. Winter does not have to be as productive as the rest of the year. Everything is frozen, roads suck, seasonal depression is high and motivation is low. We are not machines and do not need to constantly add to this society of overconsumption and overworking. We only need to be vessels for God’s light and goodness, allowing his will to be done in our lives. 

Winter is in God’s divine will. He makes every snowflake fall at his hand, so I don’t desire to despise his word and will. This verse gives me comfort 

Isaiah 55:10 “Yet just as from the heavens the rain and snow come down and do not return there till they have watered the earth, making it fertile and fruitful, giving seed to the one who sows and bread to the one who eats.” 

Maybe the lesson the Lord wants to teach me through this is that through patience and watering, he will cause me to sprout. His will is good. I read the book of Job this January and over and over it is confirmed, God knows best and more than us, we need to trust he knows what he is doing.  

I hope this snow doesn’t make you cry this winter, and if it does I hope it waters your flowers or your garden. Jesus loves you and has a wonderful plan for you, I only hope you trust in him long enough to see his goodness come to fruition. 

Make the best of your situation. If you love knitting or crochet, do it. If you love reading, make time for it. If you are a writer, start writing even if it leads you nowhere. Create and love, be who you are because you are made beautifully in the image of God. Let yourself be real and loved.

Thank you, Lord for the winter, thank you for the snow that I despise. It’s not about me, the picture is bigger than my perception. Bring more people to you through your word and my blog, and give them a hope and a future you promise us in Jeremiah 29. Amen!